Internal Family Systems (IFS) is predicated on the idea that everyone has a core part called the Self—this is the wise, caring side that can help guide everything we feel and do. When we’re in touch with our Self, our thoughts, feelings, and actions are more in line with what really matters to us.
The 8 C’s of Self-Leadership are important traits of the Self that help us create inner peace and live authentically. In this blog post, we’ll dive into these eight traits, why they matter, and how developing them can totally change how you relate to yourself and the people around you.
What Are the 8 C’s of Self-Leadership?
Short Answer: The 8 C’s are the qualities that we embody when we are operating from the Self. These qualities help us approach challenges with resilience, engage with others authentically, and bring balance to the internal system.
Long Answer: Let’s check them out one at a time; what they mean, why they matter, and how you can tap into them.
Calm
What: Feeling chill and at peace inside, even when things are rough.
Why: Staying calm helps us handle big emotions and gives us a rock-solid base for dealing with problems. When we’re calm, our protective parts feel safe and aren’t as likely to react.
How: Try some mindfulness, deep breathing, or grounding exercises to increase the calm vibes.
What: Being genuinely interested in figuring yourself and others out without being judgy.
Why: Curiosity lets us dig into what’s going on internally, including the stuff that might be hurting or confusing us. Instead of pushing these feelings away, we’re open to learning more about them.
How: When you’re facing some kind of conflict, take a step back and ask yourself, “What’s happening here?” or “What can I pick up from this?”
Curiosity
Clarity
What: Being able to see your feelings and situations clearly without any confusing or conflicting stuff getting in the way.
Why: Clarity helps you tell the difference between the Self and your parts, making it easier to figure out what’s going on and respond the best way.
How: Try journaling, reflecting on your thoughts, or chatting with a buddy or therapist to help you sort through those tricky (conflicting) emotions or situations.
What: Feeling a genuine sense of care and kindness for yourself and others, even when things get tough or mistakes occur.
Why: Compassion helps break down your walls and creates a safe space for the vulnerable parts. It’s super important for healing and feeling connected with others.
How: Talk to yourself like you would to a dear friend, especially when you’re having a hard time.
Compassion
Confidence
What: Believing in your ability to handle life and take the lead in your own mind.
Why: Confidence naturally comes when you’re in a good place. It can calm those inner parts, letting them know they’re safe and that you can deal with whatever comes up.
How: Celebrate your little wins and remind yourself of the challenges you’ve successfully tackled in the past.
What: Being willing to tackle tough feelings, memories, or situations, even if it’s a bit (or A LOT) uncomfortable.
Why: Courage is key for healing because it helps us face the issues that Exiles are holding onto and deal with the fears of Protectors.
How: Start with little steps toward being open and remember that courage isn’t about not being scared—it’s about doing the things in spite of being scared!
Courage
Creativity
What: The knack for tackling challenges with a fresh perspective, imagination, and a bit of flair (because some days, Office Space is real life y’all).
Why: Creativity helps us come up with new solutions for the same old problems and find cool ways to meet the needs of ourselves and our whole system.
How: Get into creative stuff like drawing, writing, or brainstorming, and don’t be afraid to think outside the box.
What: Feeling really in tune with yourself, other people, and the world around you.
Why: Being connected gives us a sense of belonging and helps us feel aligned. When we feel this connection, we’re more comfortable with our parts, our relationships, and our purpose.
How: Spend time outdoors, nurture your relationships, and practice being grateful for the connections you already have.
Connectedness
The 8 C’s in Action
Picture this: you’re in a tricky situation with a co-worker, but instead of automatically getting defensive (reacting with a Manager part) or completely ignoring the problem (reacting with a Firefighter part), you tackle it with:
• Calm: grounding yourself before you respond.
• Clarity: identifying the true source of the conflict.
• Curiosity: seeking to understand their perspective.
• Compassion: acknowledging the challenges they may be facing.
• Courage: addressing the issue directly.
• Confidence: trusting your ability to navigate the conversation.
• Creativity: proposing a solution that benefits you both.
• Connectedness: fostering collaboration and mutual respect.
By bringing these qualities to the table, you are leading with Self energy and can come up with solutions that respect everyone’s needs and feelings. And, nobody gets fired for acting out!
Cultivating Self-Leadership
The 8 C’s of Self-Leadership are traits the Self naturally has, and you can increase your access to them over time. Here are a few suggestions on how to make space for them:
- Check in with Yourself (before you wreck yourself): Take a little time to think about what’s going on inside and notice when the Self steps up.
- Be Mindful: Focus on being in the present moment to find that calm and clear feeling from within.
- Get Support: Consider working with an IFS therapist or someone you trust to help you understand yourself better.
- Celebrate Your Wins: Acknowledge those times when you really show the 8 C’s and boost your self-leadership skills!
Last, but not Least!
The 8 C’s of Self-Leadership are the guiding principles of a life led by the Self. They help us remember that deep down, we’re calm, curious, compassionate, and totally able to handle all kinds of tough stuff, both inside and out.
As Dr. Richard Schwartz has said: “The Self is not something you need to create or develop—it’s already there. All you need to do is access it and let it lead.” He makes that sound easy; it is frequently not easy. But it IS possible. By embracing the 8 C’s, we step into a life of greater authenticity, balance, and connection—both within ourselves and in the world around us.
Next Up: We will consider IFS in terms of how it can work for neurodiverse folx!
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