In Internal Family Systems (IFS), every part of us plays an important role. Among the parts, the Managers are the most commonly encountered first. They serve as the proactive guardians of our internal world, constantly striving to maintain stability and protect us from emotional distress. While their intentions are admirable, their methods can sometimes create inner conflict or lead to behaviors that feel restrictive or overly controlling.

In this post, we’ll explore the concept of Managers in IFS, their roles, how they impact our lives, and how to work with them to foster harmony and healing.

What Are Managers in IFS?

Managers are one of the types of Protective Parts in IFS who like to stay ahead of the game. They think ahead and focus on preventing emotional rollercoasters, helping you keep things running smoothly. You might notice them as those inner voices or habits that crave control, order, and accomplishment. Their main job is to stop Exiles—those sensitive parts of you that hold onto past pain and trauma—from getting triggered.

Common Traits and Behaviors of Managers

The Positive Intentions of Managers

Even though Managers might come off as tough or strict sometimes, they’ve actually got good intentions. These behaviors usually pop up because of what we’ve been through in the past, especially when it comes to emotional pain or tough situations. Managers are motivated by wanting to keep us safe and secure. Here’s how they do that:

• Keeping Us Safe: Managers want to create a stable environment to protect us from unexpected or scary stuff.
• Avoiding Hurt: By keeping our past pain locked away, they help us avoid going through those tough feelings again.
• Keeping Things Chill in Relationships: Managers often try to keep the peace by being nice or avoiding conflicts, which helps protect our connections with others.

The Challenges of Manager Roles

Even though they mean well, managers can sometimes go too far and accidentally cause issues, like:

• Over-Control: Managers may stifle spontaneity, creativity, or emotional expression in attempts to maintain order.
• Perfectionism: The pursuit of perfection can lead to burnout, stress, and feelings of inadequacy.
• Harsh Self-Criticism: Constant self-judgment can erode self-esteem and increase anxiety or depression.
• Avoidance of Healing: By suppressing Exiles, Managers can inadvertently block opportunities for deep emotional healing.

Working with Managers in IFS Therapy

IFS therapy suggests we should talk to Managers with a sense of curiosity and compassion instead of frustration or pushback. When we work toward understanding what drives them and what freaks them out, we can create a better working relationship together. (My Perfectionist was freaked out that this paragraph was only two sentences, and therefore not an actual paragraph. There, I fixed it for her). Here are some specific ways to work with them in therapy:

Getting to Know the Manager
Kick things off by figuring out the Manager part. Ask stuff like:
• What are you hoping to achieve?
• What scares you about stepping back?
• How long have you been in this role?

Acknowledging Their Efforts
Managers work really freaking hard to have our backs, and recognizing their effort can build trust. Let them know you see their good intentions, even if their approach feels harsh sometimes.

Introducing the Self
Showing Managers the Self—our calm, caring core—can help reassure them that there is support for them. When Managers feel they can trust the Self, they’re usually more open to easing up or taking a less intense role.

Healing the Exiles
A lot of Managers are super protective because they worry about the pain Exiles carry. By addressing the burdens of the Exiles, Managers may begin to chill out and not be so on guard.

Redefining Roles
Once there’s some trust, Managers can shift into better, healthier roles that help everyone feel balanced and well. For example, a perfectionist Manager could turn into a supportive cheerleader that encourages growth without stressing perfection.

Transforming Your Relationship with Managers

When we look at Managers with a bit of compassion, we can go from fighting against them to teaming up with them. This change usually feels fantastic, as Managers don’t have to carry the weight all by themselves anymore. (And they don’t have to point out every paragraph that isn’t grammatically correct. It is a work in progress over here!)

Last, but not Least!

Managers in IFS are kind of like those super careful friends who always want to make sure we’re safe. When we figure out what they’re worried about, we can really connect and work together. This helps them feel more at ease and paves the way for some serious healing and a smoother internal vibe.

Just keep in mind: every Manager, even if they come off as bossy or nitpicky (or flat-out difficult AF!), is only trying to take care of us. If we can approach them with kindness, we can tap into their true strengths and get closer to understanding ourselves and feeling at peace.

In the words of Dr. Richard Schwartz, “Your parts, including the most extreme, are trying to help you in the only ways they know how. It’s your job to learn about them, appreciate their efforts, and help them let go of the burdens they carry.”

Next Up: Interested in knowing why things get a little (or a lot) intense when one of your triggers gets tripped? When the going gets tough, the Firefighters may take over.

Photo Credit to Daniil Onischenko. When I was looking for photos for this post, most of the things for “manager” or “management” were stuffy and very mansplain-y (yes, I know that is not a word). But I found their work on unsplash and fell in love with it all. These images reflect to a frightening degree how I visualize my Manager parts frequently looking. So go and check them out!!